The legend of the ladies room

Forget reality t.v., walk into any ladies room in a bar, restaurant or social gathering spot and you are guaranteed more entertainment than a 30-minute scripted "reality drama" could ever offer. Even if I don't have to go to the bathroom its nice to escape "the jungle" known as a bar to re-group, freshen up and chit-chat without screaming or using some sort of digital communication to talk . Its hilarious to me that men are so enamored by the goings on of the girls rest-room. Instead of leaving them out in the cold forever on this hallowed piece of ground I decided to explain a typical night in the ladies room with the help of some popular t.v. shows.

Project Runway: Even though Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn are not there to host and mentor contestants of the ladies room version of Project Runway the drama and competition is equally fierce. Uncomfortable shoes, broken dress straps, ripped tights or spills on perfectly white blouses are just a few of the possible wardrobe malfunctions that occur on an average night in the ladies room; however, there is always a girl overly-prepared with nail polish, band-aids and a tide stick to fix seemingly tragic problems! After repairs are completed, ladies still have to walk the catwalk in front of a line of other bathroom dwellers far more intimidating than the critiques of Michael Kors and Nina Garcia. Whether or not the panel of judges a.k.a the line of girls mentions there is toilet paper stuck to a ladies shoes is totally dependent on the amount of time the lady spent in the stall... One day you're in and the next day you're out!

Therapy Session: My favorite use for the ladies room! I cannot tell you how many times several of my girlfriends have crowded into the handicapped bathroom stall to wipe away unnecessary beer tears, remind someone that liquid courage is all you need or Prince Charming is in the next bar. Unfortunately the wooden panels that serve as doors on bathroom stalls are anything but soundproof. Secrets, confessions and juicy gossip spew like hot magma from a volcano for all other bathroom inhabitants to either ignore, translate or pass along to the rest of the world.

Let me remind you that all of this action occurs within the bathroom stalls... so you must be wondering what are the lovely ladies who patiently wait for their own turn in the stall doing? I call it LIVE GOSSIP GIRL: Most of them are entertaining themselves with commentary on the status of the therapy sessions, some are sharing their versions of the drama within the stalls to friends around the world thanks to cell phones. The icing on the cake is the entrance of the token "Blair Waldorf", equipped with her posse. Once these girls step foot inside, the bathroom empties like the street of an Old Western film. For the next 30 minutes Blair and her crew will participate in their own version of the therapy session, project runway and will be likely to graffiti the walls with some sort of joke or symbol that they were there.

These findings were compiled after 4 years of fieldwork in various bathrooms around the southeast. Although, I wish I could clear out a bathroom like Blair Waldorf, I was always the one wiping beer tears while being reminded no one would notice the run in my tights, stain on my shirt or remember that I had just tripped myself in front of the entire bar. "Trust me Duchess, All you need is some liquid courage! Prince Charming is waiting at the next bar!"