If I could turn back time... obsessions,confessions & wanna be professions-Greatest Hits Vol.1

This morning I woke up to my ipod alarm clock/speakers blaring Cher's pop hit "If I could turn back time". Most people would have hit the snooze button or better yet changed the song to something early-morning friendly, but I of course did the opposite. The lyrics of Cher's tune cued my emotions to take hostage of my brain, which was basically a 30-minute mental slideshow reviewing the obsessions, confessions and wanna be professions in the early years of my life as the Duchess of Disaster.

Although I was born in July of 1987, my recollection of youth didn't begin until the spring of 1991 when my baby brother was born and we grew from mommy & daddy +2 to +3 forevermore. I barely noticed the changes around me until my first week of Kindergarten, which was also the week my eye doctor decided it was time for me to start wearing glasses. I couldn't wait to show my new frames off to neighborhood friends that afternoon but my new look was upstaged by the devilishly adorable antics of my baby brother. It was that day I realized I no longer starred as the precious baby girl but had been recast as the middle child.

1992

Obsessions: Barbies, books, having hair in sponge curlers--(trying to channel Belle from Beauty & the Beast)

Wanna-be profession: Getting reassigned as the center of the Universe instead of the middle child.

Confession a.k.a D.O.Y. (Disaster of the Year):

Christmas Card time rolled around and mommy dressed all three of us in matching white dress clothes smocked with christmas trees. My older brother and I worked so hard to perfect our grins and angelic faces but baby brother wouldn't stop crying thus mom suggested we take a break on behalf of the screaming tot. As W, (older brother) sat quietly in the corner and played with legos I scooted right upstairs to sulk in my room. It only took a glance of my favorite book at the time Amber Brown for an idea to garner attention for myself. The next thing I knew I had drawn a round black spot on my dress. It took my guilty conscious about 10 seconds to catch up with my misbehavior and I knew I had to get the spot out (I thought mommy does it all the time) so I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the black dot from my dress (some stain removal). Cue the waterworks and a confession to mommy for accidentally purposely cutting a hole in my dress to get attention--I thought I was back in the game...my little brother is a baby. Regardless of when I was ready to come to terms with my role in our family the middle child and only girl syndrome were one in the same to my parents and my brothers, both involved me and only me along with lots of tears, amusement and emotion.

1997

Obsessions: Girl Power, Hanson Brothers, wearing athletic leisure clothing, new balances & "Gap Socks".

Wanna Be Profession: Dream job would have to do with American Girl Magazine & the icon that is Molly McIntosh.

D.O.Y. (Confession): After recovering from my stage fright incident it was time for the fourth grade to begin. Back-to-school shopping really didn't consist of much other than new tennis shoes and school supplies since I already had several uniforms from previous years. Tennis shoes made a statement since representation through clothing was not an option. The day before school started mommy planned to take us shoe shopping, well to my surprise shoe shopping never happened because my grandmother had purchased a pair of shoes for me while she was out earlier in the day. Luckily, I was down the street when she delivered her thoughtful purchase, because I lost it after realizing she had purchased none other than L.A. Gear Pink Light Up Shoes for me to wear to school. Light ups were cool for like a second in kindergarden but clearly unacceptable in the fourth grade. The light ups were an ongoing joke amongst my peers as I provided instant pink lighting to darkness, mommy finally bought me a pair of stylish nikes after the light ups ruined a surprise party I was attending.

Things were pretty smooth until the summer before seventh grade in 1999.

Obsessions: Abercrombie & Fitch, Timberlands, Flared Jeans, Teen Magazines, 10 things I hate about you, AIM...

D.O.Y. (Confession): hair dresser has breakdown on tween's hair

Our family hairdresser was on maternity leave and recommended me to one of her friends to get my haircut until she returned. I've never had long hair, nor have I ever wanted or had a hairstyle that requires much. The hairdresser, "B*" was so friendly and hip I was excited for her to give me a summer cut before I headed to the beach. Since both of my brothers had gone first my mom left to drop them off at another commitment while "B" cut my hair. Before the butchering began I had shoulder length hair perfect for a 12-13 year old girl. When mommy arrived back at the salon I hadn't seen the final product but could tell something was the matter by the terrified look on her face. I had gone from having Britney Spears hair circa 1999 to having Britney Spears hair post shaved head.... it was basically a bowl-cut. Luckily, butterfly clips and other hair accessories had not been identified by the fashion police just yet, but I was still one tragic looking tween.

*Butcher-for the whack job she did to my hair!

Wanna-be-Profession: Despite my lack of hair, I had grown from a representative on student council, to the vice-president which inspired my dreams of becoming the first female president. I had no concept of time, the future or politics and thought that continuing the efforts of middle school student council was a gateway to a career in successful politics.

this concludes today's edition of early defining delights and disasters...stay tuned for more obsessions, confessions and wanna-be-professions as we tip top into the 2000's later this week!

xoxo- D.D.

So Long Daddy Warbucks! Hello Hard-knock Life!

Today I was doing some serious mathematics and I arrived at the following answers:

Question 1: How many days left until Graduation?

Answer: Less than 60

Question 2: How many days left until life on a full scholarship* is over?

Answer: Less than 80

*For those unfamiliar with what the Duchess of Disaster Full Scholarship entails it goes a little something like this. Once upon a time back in 1987(M) Mommy & (D)Daddy Disaster decided they would fully fund all of the Duchesses expenses until January 1st following her college graduation.

Basically, I feel like an actress who did not get her contract renewed on the Emmy Award winning sitcom she has starred in since birth. Like most actors who get canned on a Primetime show, I'm about to enter an unknown era where the security of my youth is nothing but a memory in the past. Despite my fear of the unknown, I am encouraged that so many of you are conquering the boardrooms of big girl world.

Instead of prematurely embracing Mommy's famous response to my daily disasters or in this case, the next chapter in my life "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it", I've decided to share three of my favorite explanations for exceeding my allotted monthly scholarship budget.

The summer before college I was in St. Simons at the beach with some friends. D had just issued my first credit card and instructed me it was only for emergencies and gas. My first emergency occurred on the last day of our 4 day stay. Before we hit the road we decided to stop at the Tibi Outlet to shop around. I thought to myself "a few purchases totally qualify as a fashion emergency". After I had decided what to buy I went to the register to pay for my purchases and swipe "plastic money" for the first time. 30 minutes later, after going through my entire suit case and purse we decided the card was officially lost. This meant I couldn't buy anything from Tibi and I had no credit card, so my friends and I decided I should call the company any cancel the card. Good thing I knew all the information necessary for a transaction like this because I ended up canceling D's credit card by mistake as well. Later that night when we arrived home I was greeted at the door by Mommy who informed me that D tried to pick up the tab for dinner out with clients and his credit card was mysteriously declined. I not only got in trouble for losing the card, but also for trying to condone shopping for clothes as an emergency.

Luckily, the rest of the summer my credit card purchases were minimal. Things changed when I arrived in Auburn that fall. One afternoon I received an e-mail that read:

From: D@daddywarbucks.com

To: Duchess

Darling Duchess,

Glad you're studying so much at Sky Bar Cafe, they must have great coffee, since you buy thirty dollars worth every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. We'll have to get a cup when M and I come down for the game next weekend.

xxx,

D

The next weekend he accepted the fact his only daughter had fully emerged herself into the college experience. After all Sky Bar Cafe is a bar that serves anything but coffee. During that same visit, D also inquired about my frequent purchases at a Gas Station called the Chevron. It took him about 30 seconds to realize that I wasn't getting gas but instead shopping for beer. My under the radar spending was overlooked until my first Christmas Break home from college. The day after Christmas he received a notice in the mail I had accumulated almost $1000.00 in parking tickets.

Maybe tomorrow I will embrace life as a Frugalista....

D.D.